I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
