it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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