By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
