Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
