Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
