where am i from again
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
