No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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