The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
