Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
