id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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