new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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