Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You pole danced in your parka.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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