All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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