Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dear god my vagina.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
