This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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