I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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