i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
