dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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