The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
