Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
