The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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