Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
