She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
