Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
