Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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