Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
