Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
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Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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