In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
