You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!