remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?