He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"