do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia