The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound