Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
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I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
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Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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