Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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