Whod you bang
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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