I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
