it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
