so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
