What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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