Sorry, I don't speak sober.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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