I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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