I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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