his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
