I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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