Define "chronic" masturbator.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
