I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
