i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
