Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
