I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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