I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
