there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
