his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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