New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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