he shaved USA in his pubs
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
