90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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