i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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