so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
