Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
