I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
