Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
