please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
