Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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