I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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