I am puke
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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