Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
